my vag is so smooth its legendary
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
