why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
