I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
