that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
