so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
