we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
