Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
