when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
