HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your dad touched me again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
