If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
