Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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