I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
