Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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