Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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