So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
