take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
