It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
