I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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