Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
