Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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