I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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