Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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