I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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