i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
