She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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