My liver just broke up with me...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
