The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My first STD was from a foam party
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
