I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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