Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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