If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
