If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
