Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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