we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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