It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im holly from the hills drunk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
