haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
