Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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