I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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