I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
