It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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