I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
did you just send me my own nude
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize