She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize