and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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