Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I love you. Go after that dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
