Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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