Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
These tits shall not be calmed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
