WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
