I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
