I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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