i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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