I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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