Cold hands, warm shart.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
