We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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