it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
