how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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