im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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