the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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