Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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