I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
