hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
