It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Text me some of your sweat
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
