The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
