wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
