The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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