Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
